It sucks. There is no other way to say it.

But, unlike when you broke up with that sexy bad boy in high school and wore sunglasses all day the next day to hide your tears, this is not a time for breaking down. Instead, you need to pick yourself up, dust off and make the best of it.

Cause you know what? Often a break-up is a really, really good thing. Seriously.

Think about it (and be honest with yourself), were things really peachy keen with this gig? Or had your work started to get cumbersome? Maybe you still really loved the subject, but the rules and requirements changed and you just weren’t in love with the gig anymore. Or perhaps it was really fun, but so time consuming that you were missing out on other things and not devoting enough time to your other assignments. Chances are one of these rings true for you.

So, once you’ve done your little bit of grieving (one evening of lamenting the injustice and suckitude is totally acceptable), here’s how to get on with things and make the most of that ending.

• Reassess – What about the assignments from that client did you like? What didn’t you like? Make a list of the best and worst parts of it, so you can access where you might want to go next.
• Put Feelers Out – Shoot emails to editors you’ve worked with in the past to say hello and let them know that you’re looking for your next killer assignment.
• Query, Query – Get out a fresh notebook and start coming up with ideas to pitch. Just make list after list and start drafting those emails to query. Plan to send out several a week until you are back on your feet.
• Check the Job Boards – If you aren’t already, make sure to keep an eye on the job boards on sites like MediaBistro, JournalismJobs, ED2010 and Problogger. You never know when a gem might pop up.
• Refocus on Your Other Gigs – This is probably the most important part — give all your other clients extra attention. Your efforts will make all your work shine just a little more.

So, spill. Have you had a client break-up recently? What did you do when it happened?

This week seemed to be the week for sharing desks. I saw not one but two other freelance writers share theirs on Facebook, one noting that it was in response to a recent blog post of mine (how sweet!). Both were beautiful — organized and baring just enough mementos of their children. I have to admit, I saw them and wanted mine to look half as good.

It doesn’t.

My desk is a beautiful antique flip-top desk that was my grandparents. It’s something I have been using in some capacity for my entire life. As a child, I would sit at this desk, clutching the heavy black receiver of our rotary telephone. Sometimes I would call my aunt across town just to say hello. Other times, I would make the distant call to my best friend in New Hampshire, a phone number that I can still recite when prompted. And often I would doodle on notepads while talking.

Oh, how I loved to talk on the phone at this desk. It felt massive and important.

Today the desk doesn’t hold that phone or the yellowed directories and notebooks once stored in its bowels. It’s also absent of the table linens that were kept tucked in its sturdy drawers. Instead, it’s filled with old receipts, unfiled contracts, office supplies … and a special hidden stash of old papers from my grandparents that I found when the desk became mine a few years ago. I can dig through those brittle sheets and find the familiar scrawl of my grandmother, running my finger over the pencil marks. She always preferred pencil to pen. It makes me feel, if only for a fleeting moment, that she isn’t so long gone and far away.

But there’s something else. My desk is messy, as you can see from the photo above. I make no claims to being a great organizer — though I am organized in other ways. Just not physical ones. It struck me that this is not the pristine surface of other writers. It’s cluttered and stuffed and though I want it to be clean, I haven’t done anything to make it so. Yet.

Here’s a closer look. I annotated it for your enjoyment. And in my defense … I know where everything is in my messy but sentimental old desk. That’s something, right?

How about you? Is your writing space the picture of organization? Or do you have old boxes of business cards partying with your 2011 receipts and spare USB cables too?

The deep darkness of a rut — when your work doesn’t fulfill you and your efforts feel ignored — is a terrible place to be. Have you been there?

Getting myself out of that rut wasn’t just important for work — it was key for my whole life. If I am not happy, how can I write well, be creative and also be a good mom and wife? Simply put, I can’t.

How did I do it?

I wrote about it.

This really was my first step to overcoming my rut. I had to face what I was feeling and explore why it had me in such a bad place. Though I didn’t share my struggle publicly at the time, putting the words on paper was important to figuring out what was wrong and moving ahead.

I made changes.

Clearly the status quo wasn’t working. I had too much on my plate and feel overwhelmed, which led to not enough getting done. One of the things that became clear was that I need to do more with less — less work, but better work. So I worked on making that happen.

I took care of myself.

This was absolutely the key to breaking out. No, really. Doing little things for yourself even when you are super busy is so important. You just can’t let it feel like work is all you do. It doesn’t take much either. The simple act of taking a vitamin. Or reading a book for fun. Or sitting quietly with a cup of tea. Or exercising … these things can improve your mood and outlook in no time.

Have you ever been in a rut? What did you do to overcome it?

Who Are You?

Being anonymous online is certainly possible. Commenters on major news websites have long criticized, judged and otherwise commented under pseudonyms. It’s simple to do. Skip your name in the name box or put in a pseudonym of your liking. Perhaps create a free email account to go with it. You can even create identities on social networking sites using whatever name you want.

But just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

“If you want to be known for what you say, do and write on the Internet – journalists usually do – one should use their own name. If you want to say, do or write stuff on the Internet that you hope won’t be tracked back to you, for whatever reason, use a pseudonym,” says David Howard, a social media marketing consultant.

This becomes particularly important if you are positioning yourself for a job that requires social media fluency. How can you say you are experienced in social media if you don’t use your own name online? Unless that name becomes your permanent pen-name, you really cannot.

When is it OK to be Anonymous?

For many careers outside of the digital realm, it’s okay to be anonymous online. For instance, if you are working in finance — it might even be preferable. But if your career is in journalism/editorial or you want to build a career in social media, then you need to be out there.

“Using a pseudonym defeats the purpose. The idea of establishing a presence is to build credibility and expand your influence. That leads nowhere if you’re building credibility for a pseudonym,” says Dianna Booher, author of Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader (Berrett-Koehler) and Communicate With Confidence Revised and Expanded Edition (McGraw-Hill).

Is it ever okay? Well … in very few circumstances, experts say. “A pseudonym is useful for only two purposes: 1) if you have something to hide 2) you’re building two separate identities that you need to maintain so as not to confuse the marketplace,” says Booher.

What About Pen Names?

Some writers choose to use pen names for many reasons including to keep their personal and private lives separate. If you wish to do that, then when you are building your online presence, it should be in that name. But, be aware that if you use a pen name and establish yourself under that name, that will be the name you use in all your work going forward.

In Short …

Still wondering if you should establish yourself across the social spaces in your real name? You should if:

- You want to work in social media.

- You want to be a journalist, writer, blogger, vlogger or photographer.

- You want to establish yourself as an expert.

- You want to take credit for the things you say and write.

- You are comfortable with what folks will find when they Google you.

If you want to frustrate me, call me up on a busy, lots-of-deadlines day, ask me to do something that day and then then I politely decline say, “But you work at home! You have time!” While it’s true that working at home is a lot more flexible than office working, there are still deadlines, meetings, conference calls and work to be attended to. And on deadline days, meeting those is paramount.

Working at home, contrary to popular belief, isn’t a carte blanche to fool around online and watch soap operas all day. It’s a challenging work-style that requires will power and determination. You still have a job to do — even if it doesn’t come with set hours and a compact cubicle.

Here’s how to successfully set limits — while also enjoying the benefits of the freelance life.

Setting Limits

Where do you work? I don’t mean home versus the coffee shop (though the coffee shop is a great place to escape to when you need a change of scenery). When you work from home, it’s absolutely imperative that you set limits on when and where you work. For instance, it might be tempting to curdle up in bed on a cold and dreary day, but do you really want to bring your office to your bedroom? Probably not. Instead, designate a dedicated workspace and go there — even if the commute is a mere 10 steps.

Having that dedicated space also allows you to keep your work supplies organized away from the rest of your life — which is important for maintaining the office/life separation.

Scheduling

One of the great benefits of working at home is the ability to set your own schedule and work when you want — which doesn’t necessarily have to be traditional hours. Still, you do need to designate some work hours so that you have work time and personal time — work time should never take over your life.

To successfully schedule your work time, look realistically at what makes you happiest during the day and plan around that. For instance, I prefer to have coffee and tidy the kitchen a little before getting to work, so I try to avoid ever scheduling anything work-related before 9 am. I also like a midday break, so I schedule that in as well.

Working at home is more flexible, but you still need to be productive. By using the flexibility to schedule yourself to work during your most productive times (and scheduling breaks in your most unproductive ones), your performance will be tip-top.

Enjoying the Life

One of the best parts of being a freelancer is that you can choose when, where and how you work. You can also — when deadlines aren’t looming — be spontaneous. The freelance life can become overwhelmed if you focus solely on work. Don’t do it.

Meet your deadlines. Be accurate and speedy. But also take time away from the computer and enjoy life. Take extended breaks when you want to. Go hiking. Take an afternoon to window shop. Whatever it is that makes you smile, do it. Allow yourself — even when you have so much work — to stop for a little and take breathers. It will make you a better freelancer in the end.

What limits are hardest for you to set?

So, here you go. These are my personal goals for 2012.

Read 52 Books – Last year I read somewhere between 40 and 45 books. That was good, but I can do better — so this year I am aiming to read 52 books — one for every week of the year.

Weigh Less Than Today – I could totally set a goal to lose x pounds. But that seldom works. And in the end, what I really want is to be healthier today than I was yesterday and healthier tomorrow than today.

Hand-write (and Send) 1 Letter Each Month – I think handwritten letters are a lost art that should be revived. So I am going to aim to write one every month this year.

Get Ahead of Deadlines – I have always been deadline-driven and really thrive on deadlines. But this year, I want to get things done even sooner — less stress that way. You know, as in before the deadline.

Be Hyper Organized – Look, I know where all my receipts are. And I can tell you just what pile that book I am reading for work is in. But I can do better. So in 2012, I want to be super organized — spreadsheets for all my expenses and income from day one and so on.

Pitch Every Month – Some people get a rush about preparing pitches for editors. For me, the rush comes with the idea. But the pitching part? Cringe. So I can get a little … lazy about it. Not a good thing. This year, I am making it my goal to pitch every single month. It’s important — especially if I am going to have the financial freedom for some of these resolutions.

Craft a Book Proposal – Like many writers, I dream of having my own book published. In fact, I once had a book deal with a really small, really new publisher, which didn’t work out (publisher closed up shop). But this year, I want to buckle down and write a new book proposal and send it out. It’s time to stop fantasizing and just do it.

Write Fiction at Least Once a Week – Fiction writing is a secret pleasure of mine, and one I have tried to get back into several times. With two books outlined in my fiction notebook, it’s time to let the characters start telling their story.

Travel New England – For my food blog, I’ve decided to write more about New England cuisine. So, it’s only natural that I take this show on the road a little and visit far-flung points in New England. Where would you go? What should we see and eat?

Vacation – In 2011, we literally had to cancel every single vacation we planned due to a variety of circumstances — from finances to intense soccer schedules. So, we never escaped for a vacation. This year, we need to. A non-work-related trip without all our usual technology.

Purge – Living a little more simply with a little less stuff around us … well, I think that’s a good thing. So I want to purge more this year. I started this project a year or two ago and have cut out a lot of stuff that was unnecessary — and stopped buying things we didn’t need too. But I need to do more and finally tackle the attic.

Dress Intentionally Every Day – You know, wearing sweats is fine. As long as I work out. But if not? Well, I can do better.

Whether you are a freelance writer, recipe developer or something different, you can use these to-dos to energize your 2012 too.

• Read a Good Work-Related Book. I’m re-reading Plate to Pixel and taking notes. Photos are so important and it’s time to buckle down and get it right — without lots of correcting.
• Take Care of Work Issues. The biggest one facing me right now? Finding the perfect spot for photos in the house. Most days, I photograph outside. But the temperature is (finally) dropping, making that more challenging. I need to reassess my lighting issues and see if there is a good indoor spot to use too. Would a tripod help? I used one all last winter.
• Plan, Plan, Plan. I’m a firm believer in having a good plan in place. This makes working easier and takes guesswork out. My marketing plan is already done, but now it’s time to take a look at my editorial side of things by planning editorial calendars for all three blogs for the year.
• Clean Up. Entering the New Year with a clean office and home makes such a big difference for the psyche. So, make it happen.

What would you add to this list?

I was the same way at his age — so I wonder if he might one day grow up to be a writer too. If he does, I hope he finds the joy in writing every day. Because when you have that joy, your work sings.

Sometimes, I have to remind myself of that. As a 31-year-old writer, writing isn’t just for fun anymore, so sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes my inner critic silences my voice with its harsh criticism. But I try not to let it. It’s important to take a look at what you are doing and recognize why you love it.

More on that in a moment. But first, I couldn’t go on without sharing how all the little things just lined up this morning, leaving me sharing down this topic that I just had to write on. I was logging into this site to write about how being happy in your work leads to great things when I saw a new post by Dianne Jacob’s land in my inbox. Her topic? “Being Grateful — And Happier.”

Yes, universe, I hear you. And I am grateful.

What am I grateful for? Here are my A-Zs of Gratitude:

• Assignments. All of them. Without assignments, I wouldn’t have a career. When I receive one, it always makes me smile in gratitude.
• Brainstorms on new topics that happen anywhere and everywhere and leave me scrambling for a pen and paper to get it all down. Those little notes have led to some of my best work.
• Comments on my blogs and articles. Especially the ones where people come back to tell me how a recipe worked for them or how advice affected them.
• Deadlines, which drive me to get assignments done well and on time. I really do love deadlines. They’re an amazing rush.
• Editors who polish my copy and make it even better and shinier. I am so grateful for all the editors in my life.
• Friendly reminders. Though I strive to have everything organized and scheduled, friendly reminders are a huge help.
• Gmail, Google Analytics and other free tools that make quantifying and communicating so much easier.
• Hopeful stories. While hope is not a strategy (thank you, Cate), it is still reaffirming when a story carries that element of hope. It’s a reminder that good things can happen.
• Interviews with passionate people. It’s amazing what you can learn from others, and when you interview someone who loves what they do (see: 5 on Friday with Author Monica Bhide), it totally rubs off on you too.
• Journalists who’ve inspired and enlightened me since childhood. Watching Peter Jennings report news every night and reading local newspapers opened up my world. And I am grateful that I have been a journalist myself.
• Kind emails, notes and cards. People love to point out when you are wrong, but it takes special people to write a note in kindness and courtesy.
• Lattes, which are a great treat on busy, hectic days.
• MediaBistro, Ed2010 and other sites that keep me informed about my peers, my industry and potential new jobs.
• Notebooks. As much as I appreciate the ease of working on computers and online, I still love to work out stories, recipes and ideas by hand in notebooks. I have dozens of them — old and new.
• Online classes. I believe strongly in ongoing professional development for writers, and online classes allow you to invest in yourself when you have time.
• Print. It’s where I got my start — in newspapers. And there is nothing like the rush of seeing your name on stories in newspapers and magazines.
• Questions. Mine, yours, everyone’s –because finding those answers is so rewarding — and means that my work helps someone.
• Research, especially the kind that requires creative techniques and digging. I can’t tell you how much I adore uncovering information and reporting on it.
• Stylebook. The AP one. I keep a copy close at hand and love that the newest version includes a whole section on food. I also love how it ensures that styles remain constant in publications that follow its rules.
• Twitter, which is like my virtual office. It makes the days so much less solitary (as do my dear friends on Google Chat).
• Unsigned contracts ready to be signed. These mean new assignments, more work and a better life for our family. Contracts bring me great joy for my work. They allow me to continue doing what I love to do.
• Vision for my career and life. Dreams, goals and plans drive me to work to achieve greater things. Not everyone has them, which is so sad.
• Working at home. This has been one of the greatest blessings in my life. Working at home means that I can both do what I love and be there for my kids when they need me. I love the freelance life and am so blessed to live it.
• X-axises on spreadsheets. And the Y-axis too. Because using spreadsheets means that the monetary side of my work is organized and in control. That’s so important, and such a welcome relief.
• Yes. As in the answer to so many important things: interview requests, article queries, new assignments. Yes is a powerful thing.
• Zebra-print agenda, my 2011 assignment book. I keep my agendas every year so that I can look back and see how deadlines and stories shaped my year. 2011 was all about the wild zebra. 2012? It’s golden.

Don’t worry. They will.

As we inch toward 2012, now’s a good time to assess what’s been good in 2011 and what you should change in 2012. These five resolutions are a great place to start:

1. Save Half of Each Check – One of the downsides of being a freelancer is that no one will force you to take money from your pay for taxes. There is no accountant subtracting these payments for you — instead you have to do it yourself (or not do it and pay a fine at the end of the year). If you want to be more financially responsible in 2012, then resolve to immediately move half of every check to your savings account. Not only will this cover those dreaded taxes, but you will build a cushion as well. And freelancers know how important that cushion is.
2. Say ‘No’ – It’s a hard thing to do, especially in that uncomfortable pocket of the month when you are waiting for your checks to arrive, but saying no is so important when an assignment just isn’t good for you. Maybe it’s too much work for too little pay. Maybe it’s a topic that bores you to tears. Maybe it’s busy work that you feel like you need to do to make sure you have enough work. But instead of saying ‘yes’ out of fear, say ‘no’ and channel your energies elsewhere — unless of course that assignment will mean being able to pay the rent (or not).
3. Take Days Off (and Unplug)- If you are anything like me, then you probably can go weeks (or months) without truly taking a day off. Well, guess what? It’s not healthy for any of us. So, plan for designated days off — at least one, ideally two or three per week — and let yourself relax. I can practically guarantee that your work will improve as a result. And while you are at it, hide the BlackBerry and laptop on those days — you don’t want to be tempted.
4. Read More – Every writer should be reading regularly — blogs, newspapers, magazines, books, you name it. Reading expands your mind, helping you to think of new ways to say things and better words to use. To be a better writer, you need to read. Plus, the escape of getting lost in someone else’s words is awesome too.
5. Get Out and Do Something – Does this sound familiar? You get up, have coffee and settle in on the couch with your laptop and get to work. Your breaks take you a mere 10 to 20 steps to the kitchen or bathroom. And you repeat this day in and day out. If so, then you are doing yourself — and your writing a great disservice. One of the greatest things about being a freelancer is that you are free to live. You aren’t tied to a work schedule or an office. So do it! Get out and do things. Besides, those life experiences? They serve to make your writing better.

What would you add to this list?

Earlier this week, I wrote about Monica Bhide‘s new eBook, In Conversation with Exceptional Women.  It’s a fantastic collection of interviews with more than 50 inspiration, accomplished women that really touched me. If you are a creative gal, you should definitely read it. This weekend.

Monica Bhide herself is an inspiring and exceptional woman. She’s author of three cookbooks including Modern Spice, as well as a food writer, blogger, writing teacher and so much more. After reading the book and learning more about Bhide, I really wanted to pick her brain a little. Thankfully, she generously agreed to answer a few questions.

First, thank you so much for agreeing to answer a few questions. Your book really touched me — and it’s one of those things that appeared in my life right when I needed it most. What inspired you to package your interviews (and the 35 new ones) into an eBook?

Monica Bhide: I wrote the book that I wanted to read! I was really down in the dumps last year and wanted to learn from successful women on how they were succeeding and how they were facing each day. The interviews on the website did so well and got such a great response, I decided to add 35 more and create a book that would inspire people.

Why did you choose to do an eBook instead of print?

MB: I think this book lent itself to being an ebook. It just seemed a natural fit to go from online interviews to online book.

How did the process of creating an eBook different from that of print books you’ve written like Modern Spice (beyond the obvious difference in genre)?

MB: The learning curve was huge. I had to hire my own copy editor, work on cover design etc and all this is new to me. I found a great company, BookBaby.com, that helped me pull the code together for the ebook. That was helpful.

In the book, you mention how you’ve met many of these truly remarkable women and they’ve become people you turn to for professional advice. How do you suggest newer writers meet and assemble their own group of mentors?

MB: By reaching out! I think too often we become blocks in our own path. Reach out.. what is the worse that can happen? Someone will say no. Well, then, they were not meant to be. Move on. Keep reaching out until you find the right person to be your mentor.

Once last question that I really wanted to ask. Was there anyone you wanted to include an interview with but couldn’t?

Sooo many.. but top of mind: Jhumpa Lahiri.

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Special thanks to Monica Bhide for this interview. I really liked what she said about creating our own groups of mentors. It’s definitely time for me to get out of my own way and expand my circle of go-to women to learn from. But that first step — asking — is definitely the hardest. Any tips?

Do you have a group of mentors? How did you meet/get them?